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22 Splendid Selected Quotes By - Alan King

22 Splendid Selected Quotes By - Alan King
22 Splendid Selected Quotes By - Alan Kinge

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

Alan King

Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.

Alan King

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.

Alan King

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

Alan King

Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there isn't any one thing, one formula or kind of character that makes a great comedian. Everybody has had a different approach.

Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says that there isn't any one thing, one formula or kind of character that makes a great comedian. Everybody has had a different approach.

Alan King

When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.

When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.

Alan King

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Alan King

When I was a kid, I used to send away for those ventriloquist kits on the back of comic books.

When I was a kid, I used to send away for those ventriloquist kits on the back of comic books.

Alan King

The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

Alan King

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

Modesty is not one of my virtues.

Alan King

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

Alan King

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Alan King

Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.

Museums are good things, places to look and absorb and learn.

Alan King

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

Alan King

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

Alan King

I can't stay friends with anyone who doesn't have a passion for something; and, generally speaking, artistic people, creative people carry it right into the kitchen, too. They have a zest for life; the excitement of living. All of the great eaters I've known are also men of great wit.

I can't stay friends with anyone who doesn't have a passion for something; and, generally speaking, artistic people, creative people carry it right into the kitchen, too. They have a zest for life; the excitement of living. All of the great eaters I've known are also men of great wit.

Alan King

Performing is just standing up there and doing something. Performance takes on an edge to it. It has a more dramatic context.

Performing is just standing up there and doing something. Performance takes on an edge to it. It has a more dramatic context.

Alan King

I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb chops 26 nights in a row. Then I took over. I used to mind her not caring about food, but no more - as long as I can eat what I want.

I learned to cook in self-defense. My wife doesn't know what a kitchen is. In the first month of our marriage, she broiled lamb chops 26 nights in a row. Then I took over. I used to mind her not caring about food, but no more - as long as I can eat what I want.

Alan King

One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'

One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'

Alan King

There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'

There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'

Alan King

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Alan King

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

Alan King

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